POEMS BY TRACY BELLE
So deep,dark and empty....
no feeling only numbness...
Hollow is so different from shallow..
The depth of sadness is so heavy, so cold, so dark and lonely...
How it is possible to be so profoundly alone while surrounded by those who love you is clearly just so confusing....
Its like floating, just existing...
such a heavy weight upon my heart...
pulling, sinking, drowning.......
The pain is like poisonous chemicals buried deep beneath the flowers
Full of outside beauty,
growing and seemingly thriving.
But the poison is in the soil,
seeping into the purist of waters running deep beneath the earth.
over time it eats away at you
contaminating everything that grows for generations to come
until one day the pollution is to great
and everything in you dies
Why do we go through life searching?
We look to the stars and wonder whats on the moon
We walk through the sands of time just wondering what we will find
Still here we are alone in a world so vast and yet so small
Here where so many mountains are left to climb
So many stones left unturned
Yet the sun still sets every night,and with the tides comes everything that can shine in the face of the new dawn
Have you ever looked into the eyes of a child,or watched a blazing fire gone wild?
Its then, all that seems so sad,makes you realize that life's not all bad.
Darkness fades into the sea and the sun shines just a little brighter to me.
The waves come crashing back onto the shore,bringing hope that life can be so much more.
Its then, you stand back and watch the sun rise.
You see the dew drops glisten on a morning rose.
Its then, you will see what the rest of the world may never know.
The heart can be so cold.
Hard as ice in the frozen snow.
So white,so cold,so blind.
How can feelings of hate be so close to those of love and passion?
Now I have no anger.
I have nothing.
I want to run.
I want to hide.
Because who am I?
I am nothing.
Why do they blame me?
So not understanding are they.
They shoot off as fast as they shut off.
But do I hate them for all they did to me?
For all they did not see?
Yet they still blame me.
Run and lock the door.
Cover the hole for the key.
Deep in the darkness of the cabinet she hides.
Looking through the holes in which she sees.
Not knowing why,not knowing who, but hiding is what she must do.
They're looking through the space for the key.
Watching through the windows always trying to see.
Fathers and sisters husbands alike.
Waiting for the tugging of blankets late into the night.
Shattered is your visions of these men you thought you could trust.
Confusion and fear- and lessons in lust.
What do you learn?
How do you feel?
How can this be real?
Its cold under here and the pine needles are poking at my legs.
But no one can find me.
No one can see.
Its safer then home,
where no one believes.
Memories long buried and stuffed at bay , now surface and blow me away, from once was no feeling, now there is turmoil and anguish, fear and despair, visions and feelings bombarding , leaving me with racking sobs from out of no where.
My heart torn between love and hate, how much more must I take. What was my life as a child has now left me a lost adult, product of many a pedophile and . . . . .
How can I face what I can't even speak, so many times it happened as a kid living on the street , after a while you lose count....filled with defeat. So many turned to monsters behind the mask of those with facades so sweet.
Out in the cold forced to survive on my own, I felt nothing, left empty and lifeless and alone, my heart and soul dying and dead from my experiences at home.
I can't stop crying , my mind filtering out the evil to keep my soul from dying and slipping into the black abyss in which it keeps trying.
I struggle daily to see the brightness of the sun ,wanting to hide the shame from which I want to run. I hold tight to the silver linings I have been given , and Its that which keeps me knowing my life is worth living....
When darkness precedes the light and the sinking depths take hold, it would be so easy to just give in and let go...
release the pain, anguish and sadness and finally be truly free.
but theres more to the story now ,more then just me...I finally have a family
I have lost so much in my life...my childhood, my innocents , my soul gauged out with the blade of a dirty knife..
The soil tainted, the minerals left impure...
But I have more fire in my heart then the average bird..and thou my feathers may be damaged, ruffled and even a little bent, they remain unbroken ,my soul is taking flight and against all odds I will continue this never ending fight.....
Late night calls
Motion in the halls.
Another animal in need.
Something new ,cold, dehydrated or injured and in need to feed.
Trying to save this creature late into the night.Sometimes efforts seem futile when in the end you lose the fight.
We see many things those of us who answer to this call, from birds to bats,and this is not just from spring to fall.
From orphan bunnies who can't take much strain,to an innocent pup or fawn, snake or crane.
We never stop caring nor ...do we stop feeling the pain.
We work together for the good of the creature its health its mind and its survival in the future.
The final release is our ultimate goal but the ones who don't make it will never leave our souls.....
-Tracy "Wildthunder" Belle
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